On Motivation

There are phases in my life where I can get up every morning, and be very eager to start the day doing what I love to reach things I dream. However, there are also days where even to get up and do the necessary things (like showering and have breakfast) is a struggle. I sometimes have this tendency to do inaction. I prefer to just stare at the ceiling, let my mind wander on things I never do and goals I failed to achieve. Or unproductively scroll through endless streams of things my friends do and publish to their social profiles. I am their biggest consumers. The instant gratification of just looking at things people do, outweighs any plans I have for the day.

I don’t know if it’s a trait, or a bad habit I need to get rid of. To follow a growth mindset minds that I must discard anything related to innate traits, and frame everything into things that I can do if I work on them hard enough. So it must be something that I can work on then. I tried to watch motivational videos, there are even Spotify Playlists catering the needs of people like me. Most of the time, it works though. Some times, I just feel irritated by the narrator shouting at me, for not being good enough or not trying hard enough or not owning my life fully. Hmmm.

If only I can study this thing called “motivation”, I might work on it better. Hoping that I too, can have a more stable spirit in life. So I gradually bought books relating to this topic. But to this day, none has been read. Sigh.

My Takes on Being Productive

In the last few months, I’ve been struggling to work more productively. No matter what work I do, I always feel that I’m not focused enough to do and finish it. When I’m doing software engineering works (e.g. writing codes, writing test, testing) I often feel a severe boredom in doing the tedious tasks. I don’t know. When I started doing programming, I was attracted to it and I could spend hours writing codes and tinkering whatever problems I found along the way. But lately, the thought of doing programming alone could destroy my mood. It’s like my passion into doing programming has been taken out of me.

Yes, that’s the extreme case. But I’m also struggling to do other tasks, especially my task as a student (e.g.: doing assignments, writing papers, writing reports, studying). I always wait until the last hours to do my task, then rushed to finish it, and in the end I regret that I didn’t start doing it earlier so that I have a better result. The only upside of this is, that I’m proud of being able to do so much work in a little time, although imperfect.

I also tried several solutions to cope with this disease of unproductivity, such as:

  1. Setting up Pomodoro timer. A Pomodoro timer lets you divide your time into chunks of 25 minutes, with 5 minutes of break in between. It helps me to focus and adding pressure on doing the task. This technique works better when you are not alone, so that someone can punish you when you are not following the timer.
  2. Trying different places to work. I tried working at several coffee shops lately. Although I have a super fast internet connection at home, I could hardly focus to work, the mood of home is to rest and have friendly conversations with my housemate. A different working environment could temporarily boost my mood, and most of the time, helps me to focus on finishing my work.
  3. Eliminate distractions. I used to have an app to block specific distractions on my laptop. In the middle of doing my work, there’s always an urge to open a new tab, and open Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn/etc, and A LOT OF TIMES it happened unconsciously. By using this technique, theoretically I should be able to focus on my work without getting distracted. But the truth is, this method rarely works for me. In the end, I always open another website to distract myself, or even uninstalling the freaking app for good…

Sometimes I wonder how the hell I could go this far in my life, in my study, and in my career when I could hardly focus an hour to do the work I am supposed to do. But I’m learning, and always wanting to improve. Let me know if you have any technique to make you productive.

A Great Idea

I have a seemingly great idea to write about half an hour ago, and now I totally forgot it. I think it’s important to write it down as soon as you come up with an idea.

Situational Love

Somebody said that a conditional environment can breed love. Some said that love is what happens the first time you looked into her eyes and she looked back, there was a sudden spasm in your heart. A burst of mixed feelings of love and anxiety spreading to all parts of your body.

When I am in a community with a limited number of people for a long time (more than a week), I have a tendency to mark someone in the community (a girl of course) as a special figure. I often unconsciously gazing at her face, and then when I realize this, I felt shy and laughed my self off. This phenomenon is only temporary, when I leave that community, I can feel that her charm is slightly decreasing. But at some point, I just can’t forget her. She will occasionally shows up in my head, and when I think about that community, the first image that comes to my mind is her face. It’s funny, haha.

I don’t think it’s a rare phenomenon for humans to have. In a limited society or community, we tend to have someone special to comfort us. And when we leave that community and join the other, we’ll find a new figure. It’s interesting, you see. You will find your love in every place that you are going.

Dream, just a dream

This is my dream, really my dream. Actually, I can do nothing and just follow where the river may be going, and see that I’ve got nothing. But I had choices, and I chose to choose it. I’ve already got the starting point, I’ve done so many great works. And it only needs finishing. Finishing.

If I’m serious about my dream, then I’ll start working. A month forward, I’ll be regretting my foolish mind if I did nothing. I have time, I have space, for what reason shouldn’t I use them properly?

Every great person they have resistance, and this is my resistance. They MADE themselves great. The only differences between the greats and the ordinaries is that they are both falls often, but the greats are insisted on going on whereas the ordinaries don’t.

Years ago I’ve made a commitment, to write two books. Whether it is a tutorial book, or anything else. Back then, I realized the books I saw at the bookstore were awful. I could write better than they could, I said. I have more potential and experience. Time passes. Still, my hands are empty.

I realized that they can put their books in the bookstore was because they DO it, they WRITE it, no matter how smart they are and how awful their writings are. And I? I know many things, but do nothing from it. What’s the purpose of learning then? Learning is supposed to be taken into action; I learn to be able to do something. And I learned, but what I’ve done. My knowledge shouldn’t be useless, now I said.

Yet, dreams are dreams. No matter how small my dream is, how common my intention is. It only matters if I do something to make myself closer to it, to reach it. Stop dreaming, start action! Action without dream, still, although aimless, at least it produced something. Dream without action, it’s nothing.